Not this.

Dating. What a convoluted, brilliant, messy and spectacular cesspool of interactions. This week I went on a (covid safe) first date. The experience was something I think many of us have had, certainly many of my fiends. You're swiping through the tiny curated snapshots of peoples lives, saying 'no' on a whim. No to the people you could never see yourself with, no to the people who could never see themselves with you and then you see someone, who quite possibly maybe could be 'your people'. Worth opting-in on at the very least. (That's a term my friend uses, she opts-in, when I'm typically an opt-out type gal) Anyways, as usual I was nervous. Like Eminem says 'palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy'. I was driving there doing breathing exercises, listening to Charlotte Day Wilson to calm your girl down. However, I wasn't nervous that they wouldn't like me, I was nervous that I wouldn't like them. We'd been talking for about a week and the conversation was great. They were intelligent, funny, had pop culture references coming out the wazoo and worked in a creative industry. They ticked all the surface level boxes. But as many of you know, this first interaction can be very revealing, positive or negative. You've got your hopes up, you've put yourself together (just enough, you're not giving them your all on date one!) and you're excited for the connection you'd imagined in your mind to mirror what occurs when you meet. You just want to feel that je ne sais quoi. I don't know why this next part happens to me. When I'm sitting at home, in my active wear, no makeup and nowhere to be, scrolling through the apps I feel quite small. A fairly quiet gal, who likes walks, a coffee that isn't burnt and who tells herself she should take her vitamins more often. Then, for some reason as soon as I approach the person I become someone completely different. I stand up straight, my stride is longer and my sense of whatever you call it, divine feminine is probably the best word, is activated. I feel giant. A big presence, bright, calm. I ask direct questions, I answer with confidence and clarity. My waist feels smaller, my hips feel wider. I feel like I'm wearing red lipstick when I'm not and my hair is at peek shine (It is DEFINITELY not, get me to a hair dresser s.t.a.t.) It's the woman I strive to be in every aspect of my life but somehow can only access in these exact moments. What the hell. *I wanted to use a different word here but I thought I'd keep it PG. After the date whether it goes well or not, you start evaluating the REAL things you want in an interaction/relationship/partner. (I just want to make it clear that of course not everybody dates for a relationship and whatever you're looking for out there- GO GET IT.) You think 'Ohhhh X, Y & Z' is what I actually need. You remember (or discover) that the capacity for emotional intelligence is important to you, or that you want someone with an energy like yours so they can hold space for you. A sense of humour might be really important for you, or that someone asks great questions and truly listens to the answers...with follow up questions. You might want someone who wants the experiences you want, someone who loves your favourite band with the same unbridled enthusiasm or someone who is going to be able to throw you up against a wall *No longer PG. For me, that's both the challenge and opportunity of dating. Early on while you're interacting, you're leading with your best photos and most charming, enigmatic quips. You're being light hearted and quick witted in your conversation and trying to portray your best self. You're trying to dazzle them into liking you. Then, the dynamic flips. In the 'in person' moments, you realise you've forgotten the most important part of an exchange...what do you want. Do you like their presence, their demeanour, their energy. Do they bring out your kindest & most generous self or are they one of those people who hates all the same things you hate. Do you want to tell them the positive stories about your life, the things you love, the things you've seen. Do you feel a spark, or even a tiny ember that could become brighter. The opportunity I see is that with every date I go on (this is dating app meeting numero four) I experience a behaviour, trait, idea or set of morals that I don't align with....I can't believe I just said that, yuck!! But, let's keep the sentence going.... I experience X and think 'Hmm...not this.' Not this. It's very cool. I'm not really the kind of person who is looking for 'the one' necessarily- I thought I found it and our paths ended up travelling in different directions. But I do think that whatever kind of 'thing' you're looking for, you should look for it with an open mind and with as little bullshit as possible. Be your fullest, brightest, kindest self and find someone who is being the same. ...What do you want? Disclaimer: The guy was actually hella refreshing and a solid step up from the last three & although said spark wasn't there, I really do wish him lotsa luck on the journey to 'This'.

Daily Ceremony acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the traditional custodians of the land we work on, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.