Retreat.

Back in July I traded walls of shiplap for walls of vines, and daily pastries for vegetables. The latter I initially wasn't so thrilled about. Pastry is a staple not to be compromised on unless extreme personal growth is going to be the result; but I ask you this, can personal growth exist without buttery flaky croissants being involved? Unlikely.

Let's go back to last month after I quit my job, (oh yeah I quit my job, did I tell you that?)...I decided I needed something to take me away from my hoffice (house-office) & to take me away from the sub-par patterns I had so excellently honed. I got out the credit card like the good millennial I am, booking a Winter Renewal retreat in the hills of Mission Beach QLD. Six days of yoga, meditation, hiking, eating, napping and writing.

What a ludicrous 'surprise' I got when I arrived, realising when I met myself on the mat that I actually feel drained in the brain space when I do a yoga class and don't find them particularly relaxing or calming whatsoever. One of the women said ‘um, so why did you book this babe? Just curious?.’ Curious we are my friend...

After arriving and settling into the little bubble of elephant-ear sized leaves, cascading ivy and lounging lizards, I was stretched out and wrung out like that one jumper you have to hand wash. My shoulders were given a stern talking to to calm the hell down. I napped afternoons away between classes whilst trying to pack away in my carry on luggage all the thoughts about what I need to do when I'm back in the real world. I took rambling walks on the beach like I'm in one of those 60minutes interviews about my dog dying then coming back to life miraculously, and even endeavoured to read a book (don't worry, that failed, I'm still me).

We did over 20 hours of yoga in the five days, walked up and down hills more times than I have walked up and down hills since birth and consumed mountains of salads and breads and soups and roasted things sprinkled with dukkah. The waves of fidgety uncomfortable energy surged through me almost constantly, with these momentary fleeting glimpses of what stillness might feel like. I found it day four in a headstand for one inhale, which was just long enough to know that pausing as a concept exists but not long enough for me to hold on to it to take it with me into the rest of the hour. Oh well, at least I know it's real now!

The mantra of the retreat has been 'do less to feel more' which quite frankly made me want to run away holding the things I usually carry with me like extra limbs. Running fast in my linen pants clutching my laptop, phone, writing book, camera, pens, chargers & connector cords. Doing it ALL is usually my schtick which is evident in that I quit my job to have three months off but ended up getting a job three days later and have been working daily on various local projects ever since. Back to the retreat, I didn't run, mainly due to the place we were staying being an hour from civilisation in a thick jungle canopy up an incline no body would ever want to walk up by choice...Thankfully, set staying paid off as the people who attended alongside me were beyond lovely, my body was kissed awake by movement every morning and food took me to paradise. So I found myself being forced to do less, be less, experience less input - much to my minds dismay. Ultimately, to feel more...

Have I felt more now that we're over the finish line?

I certainly felt more burning in my thigh muscles. Perhaps the residual heat from the bushfires decided to take up residency in there, coming to the surface every time the steepness of the walk from the studio to my room was undertaken. By the end I didn't find a class mentally draining as I used to, thanks to a breakthrough conversation with a certain Gal (R, if you're reading this, THANK YOU x)

But most importantly, emotionally speaking, I think what I felt was a spark of actual joy.

Can you believe it?!

Do you remember what joy feels like? Really feels like. Ask yourself the last time you experienced true joy.

It was real life, no bull FUN, trying to move my body in difference ways, having the time and space and attention to focus just on the bod. Focusing on 'insignificant' things like how I can try to feel a sense of lightness in my sternum while I'm twisting around my leg, or laughing with the other women as we fall out of a bind or when our stomachs rumble in the middle of meditating. We gave each other side eye during the parts of class that made us want to leave to drink wine out of the bottle with a straw, and had these little bits of levity when we were sharing sorties about online dating over dinner. Tonight I admitted that during shivasen (the laying down part at the end of class) I couldn’t clear my mind so created a movie in my head about having sex with someone I have a little crush on. They told me they were thinking about many a weird and wonderful thing too when they just couldn’t drop into the tranquil vibes - and over (vegan) chocolate fudge brownies we laughed and laughed at one of the gals absurd stories about a first date licking her hand. As usual, it’s the female friendships and connections that elevate experiences when we’re feeling like we need to retreat, or need to go to a retreat. What friendships lift you up the most? ---------------- A big thank you to Trudy, an old friend who curated and hosted the event <3 Her classes make you want to meet yourself on a mat daily, and remind you to love 'who you are, what you do, and how you do it...' More words to come more often now that life is on a new path! M x

Daily Ceremony is grateful to live and work on Yuin land that holds the stories of the Dreamtime. We pay our respects and honour the Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders past, present & emerging and acknowledge the stories, traditions and living cultures of our First Nations People

Ceremony [ ser-uh-moh-nee ] A unified ritualistic event with a purpose, usually consisting of a number of artistic components, performed on a special occasion. Aka, life.