Unequivocally over it.

*But we've got this friends.

I feel so restless I can hardly lay here and watch my favourite show on my literal cloud of a new couch. My mind is jittering and my hands decided they needed to type so here we are. This is what happens to me, I work all week, around 45 hours or more of a time lapse Charlie Chaplin performance. Sitting at the desk, slumping a the desk, laying on the couch, on the floor, on the kitchen table, on the rocking chair outside. I'm anxious, because sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my potential by copying and pasting email templates or explaining to adults how to digitally insert a signature on a pdf, but sometimes when I really help a customer living in isolation by giving them time with someone who is simply listening- I feel impactful and I love the place I work. Transparently though I'm always looking outside at whatever kind of weather we've been delivered and wanting to be in it, writing about it, taking photos of it. I know, that to be able to live in a world where I can buy bed threads sheets I need a job; and that need with that want don't currently find themselves in a position to divorce one another. Then, on a Friday night I rest my head on said sheets, listening to the sound of rain on Spotify and... wake up early. Of course. Today I woke up at 5:30am with more energy than I've had in weeks despite by entire being telling me to go to bed every minute I was at my desk. So I rode the wave, cleaning and walking, cooking and listening to Ngaiire's new Album '3' (get. on. it). And then I had a psychic reading. I completely forgot that I had booked it until right before and I wasn't exactly sure how it was going to go. My panic levels are peeking adrenally speaking and I'm not exactly 'dropped in' at the moment, more like dropped out, or off. She was warm yet slightly rehearsed. I suppose I would be too if I was giving the same opening spiel for 29 years. She's been reading people for as long as I've been alive, so I did think that put me in good stead to have a good reading (whatever good means in this context). She told me I was intuitive, creative, knew how to communicate the core of what people were feeling and help them to learn how to express it. She told me I was going to have a child and that I was going to be involved in conservation of some kind- and something about an Empire. I know I sound cynical about it, I really quite enjoyed it, I suppose right now I just don't feel particularly drawn to ascending higher. I'm exhausted. I miss my cousins kids, I miss going to Rumi in Brunswick East and ordering the cheese cigars and a large bottle of red. I want to go dancing. F*ck don't you want to go dancing? I want to fly to NZ and see my friend Seb perform, because seeing him dance is on par with space travel (and a lot less expensive *cough * Jeff Bezos *cough* take notes). This pandemic is absolutely NOT the vibe, but hang in there. The light is at the end of the tunnel, we're just rounding the corner before we can see it (I hope).

Taking a moment here to tell you to tell other people how good your friends are. Telling them is great, but tell other people. Give them a spotlight. Share the stuff they make and the things they have to say. Tell your mum that your friend A is doing her masters in developing archival records of movement practices. Tell your nana that your friend L is super excited to buy a house and that you're proud of someone in their 20's achieving that considering capitalism usually wins. And then call your friend C and tell her 'I told you so' when she assured you she wouldn't find love in London and now she's with one of the most genuine, caring, charismatic people you've had the pleasure of drinking G&T's with. Tell them all the things you love about them, because they might not be thinking very highly of themselves right now. Back to the main topic, if there even is one. *thinks for 20 mins what her point is* I suppose I just want to say, that if you're currently working and every time you sit at your desk or walk in the door and your soul pulls on your jumper like a child at the supermarket and says 'this isn't where I thought you were taking me when you said we were getting food?!'- like you've just tricked them into purchasing quinoa and vegetables to steam when they thought they were going to get burgers... it's okay. I know that I'm supposed to be grateful for having a job in this time, but I think whether or not you're currently working, this time has given us the opportunity to really think about how we want to spend our one wild and precious life [Mary Oliver]. How is it that we want to feel inside our bodies? Because right now it kinda feels like the real emotions are being patted on the head and told to wait for mummy to finish talking. But she NEVER finishes talking. So my feelings are just sitting there getting more impatient and more restless. I know they're on the verge of screaming at me in true toddler tantrum style (which will most likely result in having to take mental health leave or buying something expensive that I don't need) But my goal right now is to sit down next to that kid I told to go sit in the corner, and ask it what it wants. Most likely it wants me to buy it some ice cream and sit on the grass outside the house. While eating the ice cream I'll realise the people I work with are awesome and I probably just need to doom scroll less and buy some clay to mould. This week, stop ignoring whatever's tugging at your jumper, sit quietly next to it and ask it what's up. Then, might I suggest feeding it a little bit of ice cream (not a whole punnet, we don't want to open the flood gates - getting a therapy appointment at the moment is like winning the lottery) and sit on the grass outside the house. You're doing great. M

Daily Ceremony acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the traditional custodians of the land we work on, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.

Ceremony [ ser-uh-moh-nee ] A unified ritualistic event with a purpose, usually consisting of a number of artistic components, performed on a special occasion. Aka, life.