Unlikeable.

I sat down to write a blog about Bees. I wanted to talk about the way they dance when they come back to the hive to direct the other bees to the sweetest nectar. I was going to delve into their importance in the facilitation and nurturing of human life. However, all that's coming out on the keyboard are friendships, likeability and loosing yourself in a new relationship. Those are the three things that have been swirling around lately. I recently started talking to an old friend, we went to uni together six years ago. We didn't talk for four years between then and now, but have been able to find a connection despite mentally and (almost) physically being entirely new people. Did you know that every cell of your body regenerates every seven years? The friendship scared me, made me a very different version of myself (not necessarily great) while simultaneously I was besotted. You know those friendships where you truly know you've found something so pure and long lasting that you might not need another new friend again... I wanted to be just absolutely dripping with intelligence and interesting things to say, so much so that you could have juiced me. A juice cleanse amount. I wanted to be slick, mysterious, untouchable. All the things I admired in her. People used to say that it seemed like she didn't care about anything, not a reflection of laziness, but like she had a grand plan that no body could decipher. I wanted that air about me too. I think it made me a bit shitty to be around, sometimes you're leaning into something so far that you forget you're leaning away from everything that is grounding you. I'm being dramatic, but basically I was trying to be cool when I wasn't. After uni I fell in love, moved overseas, met people, travelled, ate strange foods, learnt to snowboard, did extensive wine training. I nannied other peoples kids, got lost in the woods, I saw some pretty wonderful and wild things, I fell out of love, sustained an injury, came home, worked, learnt new things, changed careers and so on. A completely different person, maybe with the same essence. Our first few messages I was slipping back, second guessing what to say, how to phrase my words... Then, I don't remember the exact moment, but I realised I didn't need to care about being likeable in our 2020 present. Being unlikeable is actually pretty fun. Something particular world leaders must know a lot about. In this context though, being comfortable with being unlikeable is a super power. You can stand there, a container being filled daily with experiences, conversations, memories, mistakes, love, ideas- pulling all those articles out to show the person one by one (if you so choose). In subtle, intangible ways the conversation was able to bloom. Clarity, confidence, consistency. Now, when we speak I can be honest about my day, honest about my feelings, my preferences, my knowledge. We have fun, it's deep and unabashed then it's messy 2am text messages under the influence. I love us. This brings me to my next point- relationships. I can pretty honestly say that the most influential relationships in my life have not been romantic ones. My friends would probably say, 'yeah, but you haven't been in that many...' which is exactly why I feel I can say that. I think it's easy to lose yourself, or at least your sense of self when you enter into a new relationship, friend or romantic. Let's just talk about friendships though. If you are honest with yourself, you're probably different with each one of your friends. Some friends you laugh with more, some friends it's all feelings and analysis of life. Some friendships you go to when you think you might be pregnant (or impregnated someone) and some you call upon when you need a very strong cocktail and to commit 'murder on the dance floor'. That's healthy! Not relying on one person to deliver themselves to you as a perfect combination of therapist, nurse, DJ, parent, hype-person and comedian. No body can be all of those things- well, maybe Beyonce, she probably is. My point is, having some really solid people to call upon is a quintessential part of the human experience and it's the best. The key is, remaining true to your values, morals and sensibilities within those friendships. I certainly haven't throughout my life, I always have a vision of what I think that person would like from me in the friendship whilst trying to have the savvy of Jodie Comer in Killing Eve (without the merciless murder) or the vibe of Millie Bobbie Brown in season 3 of Stranger things. But I am almost inconceivably the opposite to that. Well, shit. (In the voice of Leslie Jordan) Arrive at every conversation on purpose. All the different versions of you, with your morals and values and sensibilities in your pocket and enjoy yourself. Love, M x

Daily Ceremony acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the traditional custodians of the land we work on, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.