Unmemorable.

Good morning Ceremony tribe, I woke up at 7am after an incredibly vivid dream about not dressing appropriately for an event which is a scarily accurate representation of my life- always feeling under or over dressed/whelmed/concerned/excited. I’m sitting in my favourite café with a croissant and coffee, a luxury we didn’t get to the pleasure of enjoying much last year in Melbourne. We were like lovers in the night with takeaway beverages and secret rendezvous with pastries in our lunch breaks. However this morning, I’m firmly planted on a stool with my firmly fitting jeans on ready to type the morning away. Let’s see what comes out? Last night I left my friend a voice-memo after going to see the film Nomadland with Frances McDormand. An incredibly shot piece about the life of American nomads and their decision to live free from the confines of traditional middle-class life. In this rambling voicemail where I tired to explain how great the film was without telling her the entire plot, I mentioned as an aside that I was attempting to cook more vegan meals this year. Aside from it being good for the planet and animals, it was fantastic because I’m notorious for cooking a meal and then accidently leaving it on the stove over night. Classic behaviour really. But what really struck me was that she sent a voicemail back and said “I remember the very first time I came to your house, you cooked dinner and I stayed the night and you just left the pot on the stove. Then, in the morning, you threw it in the fridge and I thought ‘PLEASE don’t offer me any of that, because I will not eat it’. Comedy gold in a message. But I’m telling you, I have absolutely zero recollection of this whatsoever. I pretty much remember nothing. I don’t remember large chunks of my childhood, my four years at uni. What did I even do in my gap year? I don’t remember parts of my daily life from my time in Canada and I certainly don’t remember what I had for breakfast any day last week. What I do remember though, is the name of every single friend that my housemate has (and take great pleasure in reeling them off to her). I remember in ridiculous detail every mark and pore on my ex’s face and I remember the first time my friend coaxed me into going into the boys bathroom in primary school to see how they lived and what that atrocious smell was. So naturally, when she asked me later in the voicemail ‘How did we meet?’ I drew a complete blank. I came back with something jovial about meeting in a past life because I was seriously concerned that there was something wrong with me for not having a clear vision of the first time I met someone who is very present in my daily life (even just digitally, thanks COVID). Do you remember much of your life? I wonder why we remember some parts and not others? I’m pretty sure the memory of me walking down the stairs in my old apartment to throw the recycling out doesn’t need to live rent free in my mind, and the memory of my entire school life doesn’t get a seat at the table. I’m obviously exaggerating, I remember my teacher sending me a post card from her overseas trip with a monkey on the front and the First Aid lady giving me a glass of water with ants in it 'It's protein! It's fine!' but where did I sit on the bus? Who did I sit next to? I’m not sure this blog has much of a point, I know I typically end with a message or a lesson… Maybe there is one I just can’t remember it (haha) What I will say is, as part of my new year’s…. Hmm… resolution feels naff, new year’s decision is to participate. Perhaps participating in my own life a little more, actively making decisions to shape it how I want it to look will help me form stronger memories about this time in my life. Maybe one day I’ll be reading this, at age 50 thinking ‘wow I remember that day in the café when I ate that delicious croissant and that guy with the very cool moustache swanned past again.’ In an additional effort to remember more of my life I’ve also keep a one second video for 3 years running now and although it rarely jogs my memory on what happened that day aside from that 1.03 seconds, it often re-assures me that I did do yoga in my loungeroom more than I thought in 2020, I do go outside a lot, my life is pretty colourful and I will have an entire catalogue of years of my housemates dog’s life because he’s beyond perfect. Shout out to Derek. Speaking of, She’s just arrived by sticking her finger in my ear whilst I was in my typing trance- fantastic. I hope you all have a really great week. Take control of your memories kids, they’re all we have so we may as well make them good ones! M x

Daily Ceremony acknowledges Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the traditional custodians of the land we work on, and we pay our respects to elders past, present and emerging.